Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
