I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
