I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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