That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
