I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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