and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
