dude i'm inner monologue high
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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