She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
