Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
