He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
