okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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