When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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