Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
