I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
