ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
