Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Less talking, more tequila
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
