i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my shit smells like andre
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
