I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
