Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
