I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We got so high we made milksteak
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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