you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
