we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
