i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
