the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
