Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
