Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
