Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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