I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
