you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
