worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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