Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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