Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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