You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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