You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
