every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
