playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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