Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
