That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
