super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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