Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
