Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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