lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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