I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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