Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
