I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
