Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
