I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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