I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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