also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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