I just saw a hot homeless man
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize