her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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