I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize