By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just puked most of my soul out..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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