I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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