I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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