Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
