So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
