I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
