Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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