Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
