u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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