May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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