I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she looked like the before picture.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need moral support for this bender
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
