I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
