oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize