some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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