Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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