Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
