I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
