im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Houston, we have a blender
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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