So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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